Setting: 9:23PM. A young woman is sitting on a bed, calmly reading 'The Coldfire Trilogy' and wondering what it would be like to be traveling with a hot, aristocratic, wizard vampire who loves killing women.

A phone rings. She dashes downstairs, wondering who would call at 9:23PM. She picks the phone up from the wall socket.

A: hello?
J: Heeeeelloooo! (laughter)
A: Who is this?
J: It's your future husband!

There is a crash in the distance on the other side of the line. The young woman wonders who the hell it is, then it hits her.

A: ... John?
J: Hahaha! Sambucas are good!
A: ...
Random person: Oh my god! Harry!
Random person 2: Quick! Put out the fire!
Random person 3: What the hell happened?
Random person 2: Harry passed out and knocked into a tiki torch!
A: Where the hell are you at?
J: I'm at Harry's birthday party!
A: With tiki torches?
J: It's a luau type thingy! Hic
The young woman estimates that it's 3:27AM in UK, and decides that universities don't do you much good.
A: Go to bed.
~click~