I think I had a lot more dreams when I was small. Not just me, but in general children have more hopes and more dreams and everything seemed possible. sadly, as the child grows older each dream pops like a bubble, until the child finds him/herself doing things that he/she doesn't want to do, seeing things he/she doesn't want to see. Nothing that the child wants to do or want. I wonder how such people live.

In my case, I think I was pretty focused. I decided I wanted to become a physician when I was three, and I kept running at it. When I think about it, everything I did, from reading to listening to talking were all focused on becoming a physician. I don't think I was suited to a life as a physician when I was small. Slow, vague, undecisive. Not clever and not ready. Since a physician is required decisiveness, cleverness and readiness, if I went on like that I probably would have liked to be an English major. I also believe that since I wouldn't have had superb grades, I probably wouldn't have made it into a medical school anyway.

Well, something went wrong, and I wanted to become a physician. I didn't have the qualities to become a doctor; I had to change myself. From a slow, quiet child, I changed myself into a fast teenager who did not care to pay whatever the cost for the objective.

My senior year was pretty hard. Since I still had AP's to complete, while other kids were going to prom and movies and playing around, I was sitting at home solvng problems. Friends left and summer vacation wasn't a vacation since I was going to summer school to knock requisites out of the way. To think about it, this is the first summer when I can do anything I want to do - which, at the moment, is to be lazy. This is probably the last time as well; I still have license exams and OSCE's coming up.

At times like that, I feel irritated when people casually say they want to become physicians. I paid so much more to get where I am (which is a baby medic). While others were having fun I was sitting at my desk solving equations. I won't be able to understand if the people who were having fun and I got to the same place.

Thankfully, I still believe God is here, since those who had fun ended up in nasty holes. Some ended up taking multi-grand loans, or going to schools that no one had ever heard of.

the bigger the thing is that you want, harder to get it by suddenly thinking about it. Those who went to med school from my year were pretty set on becoming doctors Freshman year. That was why we could start prepping early.

On the tangent, it's a long way to a medical practice. When I calculated I still have 17 years to go before I get to the place I want to be. 17 years is how long I've lived in this world; since I began schooling at the age of 5, I'm not even halfway there.