During my read of Tolkien’s Unfinished Tales I came across the sentence “and their chief weapon was terror”. I misread it and read “and their chief was a terror”. This made me laugh hysterically for a few minutes.

The mall is always a terror this time of the year. There are people, people, more people, and did I mention people?, lunatics, morons, and weirdos who flock to the center trying to find the best bargain on some crap that they will never need in their life. I mean, who the hell needs 30 bags of jelly belly’s? My guess is that you will get sick before you get through bag 1. But oh no. I saw some moron buying 30 bags, then trying to fit them into one oversized bag. Some people seriously need to re-study geometry. If the cross-section of a certain figure times 30 is larger than the cross-section of another, then it won’t fit. End of discussion.

On the other hand, oysters are cheap this time of the year, which means raw oysters are no longer expensive delicacies but rather common commodities on the table. I’m very pleased with this. I’m also pleased with the amount of extravagance one is allowed to indulge in when the purchasing ability is significantly higher than the rest of the world. It’s nice to have constant bargains, and it’s also nice to be able to buy things without waiting for three months. Saving up for 3 months to buy the Dior eyeshadow was pure misery.

My hair color is back to raven, which is a good news, because apparently, according to IM, my hair accounts for half my value. Which means if I shave my head, then I am only worth half what I worth now. I wasn’t quite certain whether I was supposed to be pleased with this news or not. J affirmed that I should be pleased, and that it means I have amazingly beautiful hair, but then again J’s weight on beauty is outrageous and he always had a screwed-up outlook on everything, fully qualifying him as a moron. JB said no, but he did like my hair raven and it would be a pity if it turned ruddy. IC did not care. I’m not sure what to think of.

My friend Rachael and I had another fully blown-out discussion on Twlight Series a few days ago. I still not get the charm of that series. It is pure, fluffy abstinence porn and I don’t get the value of it. I have never seen a story so unrealistic, and I don’t mean the vampires part (in the terms of that kind of realism, I’ve read far worse).

What Rachael and I agreed was that in 25 high school lives or so that Edward must have carried out, he would have met at least… 100 girls. At least. Considering that my high school had at least 150 girls per year, I’d say it’s closer to 1000. And out of those, he could not find a girl smarter than Bella, or more beautiful than Bella, or nicer than Bella, or more athletic than Bella. I just simply don’t understand. Is Edward a self-deprecating masochist? Surely not, he’s an overconfident A-hole who strikes me as more than slightly chauvinistic. I mean sure, it’s a holy bingo for Bella to land a certain prototype of Prince Charming, but why Bella? I’d like to believe that this entire farce is truly a farce, because otherwise yours truly average girls will land prince charmings leaving me (and other, above-average people) with… what? Leftovers? So not happening.

What’s even more, Stephanie Myers is Rachael’s school’s alumni. And they were both English majors. And Rachael is ashamed of having such an alum. True, I’m ashamed of certain alumni at my former school as well, but then again I didn’t expect much from the alumni anyway.

I don’t get it. What’s the charm? I read fantasy because well, it’s not real, but then there is no factor that makes it realistic. Raistlin Majere from Solace is purely fictional, and will remain purely fictional; if there was a white-haired, golden-skinned hourglass-pupilled freak walking on the street I’d bolt. Solace doesn’t exist. Magic as Raistlin knows does not exist in my world. Nuitari is just a name. Same goes with Middle-Earth. I’d love to think that Maedhros exists in all his fiery-maned glory, wielding a sword forged by his father fresh out of Valinor as one of the princes of the House of Finwë, but unfortunately the only place I get to meet him is The Silmarillion and the History of Middle-Earth. (There is a fanfiction in which apparently Glorfindel threw up on his boots and that was rather amusing, but then again, still purely fiction. Elrond is not having an illicit affair with Erestor.) Q’arlynd will remain on Abeir-Toril (actually, I’d prefer it that way, I don’t want some religious fanatic of Tyr chasing after me, nor do I want to go to the Fugue Plane for being faithless). Actually, if any of those fantasies were real I’d be shut in my bedroom all day with Reno and I’d never come out.

Edward is half-realistic. Sure, vampies don’t exist, but it’s set in a realistic world, which makes it half-believable.

I kind of envy that, however. If Reno was slightly more realistic I’d never even look at any member of my opposite gender. I’d officially claim Reno as my spouse and be done with it. That'd be easy. No muss, no fuss.

I don’t get the charm of the story. I also asked IC if he watched it. He stared at me as if I was a moron and replied, “no”.

But then again, not everyone is endowed with a Julien Sorel at her disposal.