Thank you very much to Nelli and Dan for reading my blog! (To my friends... I EXPECT YOU TO READ THIS. Just kidding. But I read you guys' stuff too, so we're even.)

Anyway, I digress. Back to the topic...

About the Tube.

Actually, I just hate the Tube.

I also hate Green Park station on Piccadilly line, but I'll get to the later.

Anyway! So I was trying to get to work today in Richmond, and for that I usually get onto Jubilee at London Bridge, change at Westminster to District line to Richmond. However, when I got off at Westminster to go up the escalator to get to Platform 4 for District Line...

"Due to engineering work District Line will not go to Acton Town or Richmond today. Please use Piccadilly to get to Turnham Green. A replacement bus service is running from Turnham Green to Richmond."

Erm.

See, if District Line was running (which rarely occurs these days), I'd have gotten there at 1:50, walked from Richmond station to the destination, got there at two on the dot. But alas, the London Underground System, despite being around for... oh, I don't know, 100 years, they STILL DON'T WORK PROPERLY. You know, you'd think they'd give up after trying for 100 years to get the damn thing right, but oh no! They're still trying, causing much people MUCH misery.

Anyway, I got on the District Line, got off at South Ken (or South Kensington for those of you who aren't in London and don't know the lingo), switched to Piccadilly, got to Turnham Green, nearly got my head chopped off when I tried to get on the bus, but got there - 30 minutes late. It was not my fault, though, so my employer let it go.

At work I actually had a coherent text message from The Elusive (aka the current guy I'm after), and my friend. I excused myself and borrowed the toilet while the kid was solving problems, and replied to the text via phone call. I felt like I was in high school again.

The problem was... on the way back.

FIRST of all, it was damn cold, and Turnham Green station happens to be OUTSIDE. And the damn train was late, so I got to freeze my butt off in the cold while I waited outside for the damn Piccadilly line. Then I got on - getting nearly squashed by this HUGE woman in due process - but the problem didn't start till after Gloucester Road. I was thinking "Shall I get off at South Ken and switch to District Line then switch to Jubilee, or get off at Green Park, walk for five minutes Underground to change the line to Jubilee?" when the train screeched to a halt.

In a tunnel.

The Piccadilly line happens to be old. It's 101 years old, to be precise. So, the tunnels are quite small. Actually, I was standing in front of the door so I could see outside, and... the TUNNEL WALL WAS ABOUT SIX INCHES AWAY. I felt quite claustrophobic.

The train started moving. Then it screeched to a halt again, causing everybody to crash into each other. Much cursing ensued. Then it started moving again. Then it screeched to a halt again.

...

Then the announcement came on, saying that due to technical problems the train would be moving at a really slow pace.

It did. Then it stopped.

See, when it stops, it's kind of different from moving at a slow pace. Elementary calculus, everybody! Just because the limit is zero doesn't mean it's ZERO!

Ahem. Anyway, Then it screeched to a halt again. And then it sat there, making odd noises, like it was about to fall apart (mind you, it's the new Tube, not the old rusty one that was in service till about 10 years ago).

And sat there.

And sat there.

And sat there.

Honestly, I probably could have walked to South Ken and back in the time that the stupid train sat there. IT SAT IN THE TUNNEL FOR THIRTY MINUTES. I thought about killing myself, listened to Nine Inch Nails out of sheer frustration. People started to panic. I got angry.

The trouble didn't end there. OH NO. It got even worse.

I decided to get off at Green Park. I switched to Jubilee alright, after walking a faintingly long walk between Piccadilly platform and Jubilee platform. I got to the Jubilee platform after walking for about five minutes (no joke).

AND IT SAID on the stupid time display that the Jubilee Line to Willesden Green was coming in a minute.

"Cool," I thought, and listened to Placebo's "Bitter End".

I finished the track. And listened to "Every You and Every Me". And "English Summer Rain".

So basically, one minute turned into approximately ten. And it still said on the damn display throughout the entire time, "WILLESDEN GREEN 1 MINUTE".

So, I hate the Tube. I also hate District Line and Piccadilly Line, District because it has so many termini (I'm not joking, it has Edgeware Road, Upminster, Ealing Broadway, Richmond, Wimbledon, Kensington... they SHOULD make another line), Piccadilly because there's always bunch of tourists there with bunch of luggage who always run over my feet with their 13 ton suitcases. I happen to like Jubilee Line, because it's usually working AND the stations look cool.

But Tube sucks. Hands down.