I went through a lot this summer, ranging from... well, if you know, you know, if you don't, you don't. Anyway, there are a few things I've discovered along the way, whether for better or for worse, and I'm hoping that I will be able to look back to this summer with a reminiscent smile on my face.

First, IC grew up. Dramatically. He must have gone through a lot more than I had expected, but he did. After not seeing him for a year, he seemed to have grown so much that he was taking care of me, not the other way around. This was jarring, but it also reminded me that guys just grow up like that; one day you see him and the roles have been reversed, and you are both emotionally and physically weaker than him in more ways than you expected.

When I first met him, he was like a little brother for me, someone I had to care for. He was more fragile than I was, more prone to shatters and breaks, and I felt that I had to watch out for him. This continued through high school, with me standing and watching from afar while he went ahead and crashed headfirst into troubles (emotional troubles, I mean). After all, we were both teenagers with teenager-problems.

But then this year, it seemed that he had graduated from my care and he was mentally caring for me. It was rather odd, since in my head I could accept it, but in my mind he was still the Freshman IC. But it hit me finally; he had grown up enough to have enough emotional leeway to care for what I was going through without involving himself to the point that he was breaking.

Or maybe he just realised that I was not the confident me that he knew so well, the one who would crash and then bounce back, but I do have breakdowns and when I do they are bigger than expected.

Even so, it was a nice change, and it's nice to have someone that I can lean on when I'm shattering.

Second, I had come to fully accept that I am a female and therefore there are weaknesses that can be exploited. It is a terrifying thought to be honest; the fact that there are some things that guys can do that cannot be prevented when it happens without any warning. I'm really glad that my friends always maintain enough self control to not do something stupid.

Third, to J, IM, and IB: thanks for being there when I was falling apart. Thanks for not giving me pep talks but just listening. Thanks for giving me your arms when I needed someone to be embraced by.

Fourth, to all my female friends: thanks for having that blind faith in me that only females can have. I won't say that's what's been keeping me going (because it isn't), but it is a relief that someone has faith in me when I never have faith in myself.

So I have learned to breathe a little. And maybe sit back and not run for once.